"Conclusions and How Life's Always Changing" by Lesley Michelle Patterson

I had to come to some difficult conclusions in my head recently.  Mostly, I am coming to grips with my daughter now being all grown-up with her own husband and their baby.  I've raised her so well that she has things pretty much figured out.  Today I was invited over to their brand new apartment and I got to sit and feed the baby.  His name is Raiden May Kohrdt Ironcloud, and he's the most precious little guy that you'll ever see.  I am so proud of my daughter and my son-in-law.  We had some difficulties at first, upon being asked to leave our prior apartment due to someone else's behavior in the household.  This made it so that the whole family had to uproot themselves, and we all soon ended up going our separate ways.  

At first, this scared me deeply, but with time, I saw that that's exactly what we all needed, to go our own ways.  It hurt like hell, but we parted because we had to.  No one was healthy or happy in the family, and I saw that the time had come to act on that and do something about it.  I had to leave my mother and my little brother as neither of them were healthy, and because it's their behaviors (for the most part) that got us being asked to leave the apartment over.  So, we all split. 

 My mother and my little brother got a hotel room, which I imagine they still have, but I don't know for sure as she's cut contact with me.  She cut contact with me because I hurt her by leaving her.  The last thing she shouted at me was that quote, "I protected you from your father."  This is heartbreaking because I was molested by and abused by my biological father and it's true, she did protect me from him.  However, was I supposed to spend my entire life taking care of her and all of her wants and needs because of that fact?  Of course, not!

I soon realized that I deserved to be happy, everyone did.  So, I let go, and I set everyone free to do as they would.  As I said, my mother and little brother left, and my daughter and her then-finance also went out on their own.  My husband and I stayed together just as we have for the past 22 years or so now.  We ended up getting our own home which we move into on January 2nd, 2020.  The kids (meaning my daughter and her hubby and their baby) got their very own place, too.  We're all doing much better for it, too, and I am just so very proud of them and how well they're doing.

It's been hard to let go and let be, but I'm glad that I did because without taking that chance we could've all stayed together and remained miserable.  Instead, today I got to witness how very grown-up and mature the kids are,  and I got to observe that they are also both terrific, loving parents in their very own right.  To think that I was ever worried about the whole situation is almost laughable now, but you know us moms; we're going to worry.  It helped to see how under control the kids have things though.  We're moving back to the city, and they are staying behind.  It made me feel more okay about moving back, although I know I'll be missing out on some things, I am certain, that for the more important things, my daughter will make sure that I get to be there with them sharing in it.

So now, as I write this, I smile.  I'm happy that things are going so well for them, and I'm also happy about the things that my husband and I get to look forward to in our own home.  All in all, this event that while indeed tragic, was also a pivotal moment in my life that evoked change with a positive, lasting effect.  Now I get up in the morning more eager for the day, and I'm excited about what life has in store for The Patterson's next.



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